In this episode of the Active Action Podcast, I interviewed Byron and Margaret Mackey, a married couple for more than two decades, and host the “Beyond I Do” podcast. They talk about what really makes a marriage work, and how to nurture a loving, long-lasting relationship—highlighting how friendship, honest communication, and teamwork matter at every stage of a relationship. From dealing with early misunderstandings to co-parenting strategies and finding the right balance between personal goals and family life, Byron and Margaret share real-life tips on building (or keeping) a happy and healthy relationship.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why genuinely liking each other is the key to a strong marriage
- How talking through small issues prevents them from becoming big problems
- Simple ways to show patience and understanding, even with different backgrounds
- Tips for sharing responsibilities and support each other as parents
- How adapting to life’s ups and downs can help keep your bond strong
- Why little acts of kindness and spending time together can make a huge difference
- Easy tips on keeping your personal interests while still growing as a couple
- How to start small and then build up your automation once you see results
Be sure to check the webpage of Byron & Margaret at the Active Action Podcast Website to learn more about Clifton’s work, his foundation, and ways to connect with him.
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You're tuned into the active action podcast step into a world of engaging conversations with leading experts
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Where every episode is your chance to learn grow and stay inspired?
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Welcome everyone to back again another episode of the active action podcast
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I'm your host dr. Nazeeb with you and as always like in our podcast we inspire our
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Audiences to stay active and take action and to take a little bit of inspiration from our wonderful guests that we have each week
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Today the topic of our podcast is one of my very own favorite. Let me introduce our
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Guest hello. Good morning, Byron and Margaret. How are you doing this morning? Good morning. Good morning. We're good
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Thank you for having us. Yes, so dear audience today
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our topic is creating happy and healthy marriages and
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We have today with us Byron and Margaret Mackey
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So they are the host of the Beyond I do
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podcast
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So before we delve into our conversations, can I kindly ask Byron and Margaret?
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Can you kindly introduce yourself to our audience what you do a bit little bit of your background? Well
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Margaret and I we were friends we met each other in
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and we were friends for about
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five to six years and in 97 her and I
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Reunited we had five kids at the same time
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We reunited and started hanging around each other
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Consistently all the time day in and day out
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and
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by the end of 97 we were married with a child on the way and
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We started a family
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And here it is 27 years later
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In
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2023 we launched our Beyond I do podcast
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We decided to share
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Got tired of seeing all the negativity that was online about marriage and
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relationships and we wanted to share how we
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Made it through the years and how we never get our marriage
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And that was the foundation of Beyond I do podcast
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Like he said we we started out as friends when we were
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Still in school. Yeah, and we maintain that friendship and
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regardless of distance or anything
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We would always well I went off to school. I would come home
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I would make time to see him and that friendship became the basis of what eventually became our
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Relationship and our marriage and just to relate. I know bernard margaret
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So you have been married for many years. You have a lot of wealth of wisdom when it comes to
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Relationship and what marriage actually means can I ask you like what do you think?
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It's a definition of a beautiful or wonderful marriage. So we we believe in being a team
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You have two people coming together as one and you function as a team
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And we've we've learned and thankfully we learned pretty early in that we had to
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Do what's best for us? And so you get
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Advice guidance what have you from family friends?
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From resources like ourselves, but in the end you have to do what's best for you as a couple
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And we function as a team our relationship sometimes comes before the individual
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And we want to make sure that that relationship is
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Is healthy and it's thriving and so sometimes that means that I have to stop and I have to put my individual
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Feelings to the side because maybe my individual goal doesn't meet the goal of our relationship
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And so we we just focus on on that to becoming one and we focus as a team
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I really like that idea margaret functioning as a team is I think really important and I think a relationship
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Can move forward or be you know, uh successful when each partner understands themselves
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Or each partner understands the other as well and you know like having that team
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Mindset to do everything and you know, you know, you know, you know, you know
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That team mindset to do everything to support each other and having that understanding I think is really important
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Can I ask you was there like a friendship involved? It was it like a friend kind of relation when you two met together?
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Yes, it was definitely friendship
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And it started out as it's funny
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Uh when I when we met, uh
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She has actually had a crush on one of my friends
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So it was definitely friendship
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It was funny because you know once uh
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Once that uh didn't happen for her
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We kept in contact with each other. It was just like, you know
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She was the one that you know out of all the
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Females that I knew I felt comfortable being around her
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Um
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And it just seemed like every time we would uh throughout the years every time we would uh
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Get in contact with each other. It was like, you know, we always picked up where we left off at
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You know, it could be three four months at times
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When we didn't have contact with each other. So, you know
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It was definitely the friendship
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Um
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The respect that we had for one another um, the communication that we had
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We talked about each other's uh, you know catching up in each other's lives at that time, you know
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Helping to guide each other. So that was definitely uh
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Definitely a great foundation for us. We we tried to
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When we were still in school, we tried to date and he messed up and so
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He was downgraded back to friend
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But throughout that time, um, we were friends we
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Both had separate relationships. He he had a long-term relationship
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And we just maintained that friendship
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Um, and I think that that helped us
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Like there's a mutual respect. There's a comfort there
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And and that's what even still to this day we rely on that friendship
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Um to help us maintain our bond
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Thank you so much for like explaining that and how that relationship is of being, you know
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Friends first, but getting to know better when time goes and like to follow up that question
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I wanted to ask you by the mark right?
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What do you think the importance of friendship is in a marriage? Oh, well, we typically I would uh, believe is
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uh friends over
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uh friendship
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over love, um
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You have to be friends in order to have a
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You have to be friends in order to have a bond, you know
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You think about friendships, uh with if it's same-sex
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Uh friendships, you know, that's the person you tell everything to
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When you're a teenager, you know, you kind of confided in them, you know
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Told all your secrets you share those
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intimate details about your life
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and in order to uh have a
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sustainable relationship
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It needs to be that in order to you know, understand where each other comes from
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And so we we definitely believe in friendship over love. Love is important, but you know it comes to
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To love it's like when you think about you have friends and family members that
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You know, you don't want to
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Love them, but you don't want to be around a long time
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You know you have to
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You know you have to
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You have to like that person a lot because you're spending 24 or 7
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The hours that you spend working that you are with that individual. So
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It has to be there. You definitely have to have to like the person that you're with
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You should want to spend time with your with your significant other
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and sometimes that time
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is uh in
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The romantic sense of the word but most of the time it's the day-to-day
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in and out life things
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And like he said, you know if something exciting happens, he should be the first person that I want to call
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If something bad happens, he should be the first person that I should want to reach out to
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So we we stress you have to like your partner
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sometimes
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you you lose sight of that and there's a lot of pressure with um,
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You have to keep the spark going and you have to have these date nights and sometimes that can be
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Like it could cause a lot of pressure
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But at the end of the day
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You have to like the person that you've decided to spend your life with because that like is what makes it easier to wake up
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next to the same person
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day in and day out
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Um, if there's a disagreement you think about that friendship and what you've created together
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And okay, we need to figure out how to move past this
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Because I don't want to lose my best friend. I can equal you
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bar and margaret because I feel like every relationship
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Has their ups and downs and no relationship is kind of like a straightforward thing
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It's just like when two people like get together there might be of different backgrounds. They might have different mindsets
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thoughts those two people getting together making that bond and
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Understanding how to live with one another how to support one another is very very important
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Even you know in in relationships we have seen like in the first or second or even at the third or fourth year
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There are you know, disagreements. There are things that doesn't like fall into place
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At that time, I think people make some really important or really like tough choices either to rethink
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If this is going to work out or also think or might think that okay. I have to make this work
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So let me see what I can do
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Let me see how I can support my partner to feel her what she can do
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when do you think in in the early stage of a relationship when
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The partners can have these kind of like conflicts or a bit of disagreements. How do you think it's a better way?
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You know to keep a positive mindset at that time and to support one another so
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For us our backgrounds are very different. I grew up as the only child in a very chaotic environment
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there was abuse
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And I I had some things that I did and react in reaction to that abuse as a teenager
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And so he came from a blended family
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He's the youngest of 10
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he had mom and great father and
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Just very different backgrounds. And so when we did finally get together
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as a couple there were some things that
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I I had to deal with that manifested in a way that made it seem like it was against him
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um, I had an issue with physical touch I had
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and
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He he was gracious enough that he didn't take those things personal
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He realized that you know, there's some there's a reason for this and it's not me
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And so it's so important that we have have grace and understanding for our partner and realize that
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They may lash out towards me, but it's not at me
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It's not about me and I need to give this person space and then we need to figure out how to overcome this together
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There's there is no me against you
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It's you and I against whatever is challenging you or whatever is challenging me
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And sometimes that's hard and especially in the midst of emotions
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We've learned that sometimes we have to stop
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And we will write each other letters or send each other text messages
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So that both of us have time to process our thoughts and feelings without the emotions taking over
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Um, I can I can let my emotions get the best of all of us
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If I let them so had to learn to just stop
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And we respect that if we're in the middle of a conflict and and I say I need time to process or he says
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I need time to process we respect that and we stop
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You you and that's where the friendship comes in also is that you learn this individual
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You learn their their ups and downs and you can sense that something is not right and when you need to give space and then you respect that
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Right
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And oftentimes when we when it's communicated to
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The other individual that you know, I had these issues happen in my past
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And when you learn, okay, well, it's not me. It's because of what happened in the past
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It made me understand. Okay. Well now I have to give her that grace to let her know that you know
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It does hurt but you know, I'm willing to sit here and help you through this help you through this time
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So that you know
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Once we get through it and you know, we're able to stand strong but
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Having that information does help so you're not just taking things too seriously
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Well, you know make up in your mind. She doesn't love me. She doesn't care, but she don't want to touch me
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A lot of times you understand your your mate you understand that that's a traumatic reaction
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Then you you learn eventually to not take it personal
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I really I really think then that it's important to have patience and trust is a very important word
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It's a matter of fact like how much you can do that in a in a relationship keep trusting and trusting
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And you and ultimately I think at one time you will definitely see the result of that because it's you know
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When two different people is like coming from different backgrounds
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Trying to work each other. It shows love, you know
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It's not just like we have to say I love you or I like you in the mouth or in the mouth
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But our way like words it says our actions speak for ourselves. I wanted to ask by on a question following up
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On your story. You did mention margaret that at the very early stage, you know, there are some issues or maybe
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You know, there are some understandings that might not have been correct
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But I wanted to ask byron at that time, you know, like us men
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What should I do like to you know cope up in this situation?
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What should I do like to you know cope up in my relationship?
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And I know like even to the length of extent they say that I feel I feel I was betrayed
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Or I felt i'm not getting the attention that I deserve men and women think like
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Like differently in time to time. There are different there are different times in life, but byron
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I wanted to like ask a question as a man
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What do you think in a very early stage the question I just asked earlier?
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When you have an issue with you like a partner so when you have these
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You know trust or questions
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How do you like keep yourself calm or you know cope with that situation?
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and I would also like to ask that question to margaret as well in the perspective of a woman so that both of
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My audience as male and female would get a perception of that. Well, I think first and foremost you have to
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You know know that your partner is you know you're taking two people in here
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You're merging two different lifestyles two different ways of
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of
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behaving in life
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And you know one of the things that for the beginning for us is
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We communicated a lot about our past and even though we were friends
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We thought we knew
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A lot about each other, but when we had that set up and had that conversation
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And talked about our expectations and we talked about our goals
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And we talked about these things
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That helped me to understand that you know
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So when when I felt like
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There was trouble I just said okay. Well it's not me again. It's
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Trump
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So let me come there and talk to her and say hey, you know
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I just need to understand this from a perspective
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when you
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rejected me
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It hurt and I need to understand it's that because you don't
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Want me or is it because you know?
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Is having those traumatic issues and when she was able to explain those things to me
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It helped me to okay now I got to
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You know
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Bring the bearish just deal with it and take it as it comes and you know
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us communicating that help to
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Kind of break a barrier whereas you say well
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I'm not just going to just give in to to to them
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Where you might just say okay, well
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Maybe half the time I'll do this for them even though I don't want to
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Just to you know satisfy them
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Or you know kind of meet in the middle so to speak and that has helped us
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Break through some barriers and it's all about the communication
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Just communicate your part how you feel how this made you feel and it was tough in the beginning
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Because you know you have ego you gonna get some away with
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What does she think she is? I'm me and this is who I am
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You know and then you get that ego
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out of the way and you learn it that you're trying to
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Form, you know combine two entities
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Then it's like okay. Well now I have to learn her
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and you know
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We're constantly learning each other
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Right. It's not like no I just I knew everything about her and
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I don't have to learn anything else
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You know, we're constantly learning each other because we're evolving and we're changing a lot of time
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I think that one thing that like you said
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You could have one thing happen and as a man he he interprets it one way as a woman
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I interpret it completely different and a lot of times
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The problem is we don't come together and discuss that issue
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And how we interpret it and realize that okay different perspectives
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And so one thing that we've learned is we have to sometimes be uncomfortable
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So that we can understand each other's perspective
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so
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There have been times where
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He's he's very friendly. He's very outgoing
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and he may say something to someone else that can be perceived as disrespectful to me
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We may be out he may um say something to the cashier or something that could be
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perceived as disrespectful to his partner
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and
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As his partner, I need to say okay. I didn't I didn't particularly like
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How you said or what did you mean when you said that?
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And for him to say oh, I didn't mean anything by it. I just said it
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And didn't think twice so those types of things when when the first
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Little seed is there you have to dig that up before it it's you know
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Puts its roots in and a lot of times very often it's perception. We just perceive things differently
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Like I said, he's friendly. He's
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Extroverted he's outgoing
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So he never meets his strength
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He's not a person who's not a person who's not a person who's not a person
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He never meets a stranger and i've had to get used to that. I'm the opposite. I'm not
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Extroverted I don't do small talk none of that. So the flip side of that is people perceive me as being
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You know mean or what have you?
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but
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We understand each other and so if he's being super friendly
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Um, I know that he's not flirting or anything like that
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And then he knows if I give him a certain look
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I'm not being mean or nasty. I've just hit my my people limit
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And and i'm not peopley anymore or people friendly and we respect those differences in each other
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So he's had his time to be out and about
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He sees i've given him the sign. Okay, it's time to leave because she's she's at her limit
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Things like that. I think we just we don't
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We don't understand that we see things totally different
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And if we would just take the time in a non
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um judgmental
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Way to listen to each other that it would solve so many of those little little things
00:22:10
Very wonderful words of wisdom paren and margaret. I
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Really appreciate that and I I think my audience would appreciate that as well
00:22:18
I just want to like touch on
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One different two different things margaret and baren you mentioned
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one is that
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baren you mentioned that we
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have to know our
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Partner we have to learn about our partner and learning is constant. It doesn't end, you know, even
00:22:37
You know after leaving for
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Even 20 30 years you get to learn new things about your partner one day or other and I think these learnings actually like
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Add to the thought or add to the whole new chapter, you know about your partner and each day you learn new things
00:22:55
And you like realize okay. This is a thing that my
00:22:59
Husband or wife likes this is a thing that he or she doesn't like
00:23:04
So can I accommodate with that or can I like make her understand if this is right or wrong?
00:23:09
What should I do and even if you have that confusion just sit together and have a talk and just getting on that margaret
00:23:17
You mentioned that we should not let tree get bigger
00:23:21
We should discuss something right at the seat and I think that is a very very important and a very
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crucial issue that many of our
00:23:30
Many of the relationships the couple have is that they don't discuss
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when someone is seeing that something is not going their way or there is a disagreement or even there is a perception
00:23:41
That something is not being right. They keep like they keep quiet or they don't want to discuss that
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And that actually, you know
00:23:50
Build something there inside builds as a tension and that tension can come out
00:23:55
Somewhere else where it should not have come out when some for example when someone
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It's a couple is having an argument some of those tensions might come out which might be a very simple or silly matter
00:24:06
Which which if we if that was discussed right at the beginning that would not be an issue
00:24:11
But that thing actually built onto the person himself
00:24:14
So I think having a clear communication and a clear understanding and even you know discussing small things is very important
00:24:22
And also when you know two people are living together or staying together
00:24:26
They have lots of time right there like with one another so if someone just says that I didn't have I didn't remember that
00:24:33
Or I didn't have to I didn't have time to discuss that. I think that's not a
00:24:38
That's not an excuse
00:24:40
Especially if you value your relationship if you value that other person
00:24:45
Right person is important to you. That matter should also be important
00:24:49
You don't keep any seed of confusion in your mind
00:24:52
Should also be important. You don't keep any seed of confusion in yourself
00:24:56
I just wanted to like talk to you by the market a little bit about creating happy and healthy
00:25:02
Marriages that we know so from my experience I can see my mom and dad has been married for like nearly 50 years
00:25:10
So I so i've seen those family roots and things
00:25:15
Uh, because I come from a background where families are really close with their kids
00:25:20
And with their parents as well. So even though like now
00:25:25
My grandmother like lives with my mom and dad and my dad takes care of them
00:25:31
So there are like things that these are like very strong
00:25:34
Family values, but I wanted to ask you like you mentioned in the very beginning of the podcast
00:25:40
What's what's the definition of like a happy marriage?
00:25:43
Can I ask you like what does it take for someone you know to create a happy and healthy marriage?
00:25:50
What things that couple should remember?
00:25:52
So the the first thing is that the couple is going to determine
00:25:57
um
00:25:58
As a couple what their their happy marriage looks like
00:26:03
And and then you stick to that
00:26:06
um
00:26:07
We we've had we were married at 22 and 23 years old we were young
00:26:12
We we had no business
00:26:14
Being married and being parents that young
00:26:18
Um, but we made a decision that we're going to get married. We're going to stay married
00:26:25
And as we've gone
00:26:27
Gone through the years
00:26:29
We've had um family members friends church members
00:26:35
Uh, give us advice or we've gone to them for advice for guidance
00:26:39
Especially being that young and then the two of us come together and we have to decide. Okay
00:26:45
What are we going to keep what are we going to change? What are we going to throw out?
00:26:49
right
00:26:50
And for us um, and and we've continued that throughout
00:26:55
Um throughout the time that we've been together we we decide what that looks like for us
00:27:01
and for some it it
00:27:04
May not fall in line with what they think it should be
00:27:08
But the two of us are are happy so that's first and foremost is that couple has to determine what that looks like
00:27:15
And then you you have to put in the work
00:27:18
um day in and day out to maintain that
00:27:22
um
00:27:23
We are comfortable around each other in each other's presence. We trust one another
00:27:30
Um, we love each other. We like each other
00:27:34
um and
00:27:36
and
00:27:38
We have um, I have confidence that he has my best interest at heart and vice versa
00:27:45
We we work to try and make things easier for the other partner
00:27:50
So all of those things for us are what make our marriage happy and healthy
00:27:57
You are listening to the active action podcast visit active action podcast.com to explore all episodes
00:28:04
Active action podcast where voices inspire and entertain. Yes
00:28:09
I think you definitely have to be intentional
00:28:12
And that's my favorite word now
00:28:14
intentional about your marriage and you know
00:28:17
people tend to uh take their money and they look at it and they invest and
00:28:23
Put a little money here. I'm investing in the stock or
00:28:26
I'm investing this venture
00:28:28
And uh, well, you don't just throw the money there and not look at it
00:28:32
You don't just throw the money there and not take it, you know
00:28:37
Watch it grow whatever so when you are investing in your relationship investment means listening
00:28:44
listening to what your partner's saying and uh
00:28:47
Going going on action like you know
00:28:50
There there, you know, there's an adage in in relationships where
00:28:55
You know where you show up with flowers and candy and that'll just solve everything, you know
00:29:00
Well, when you know your partner your partner might not actually like flowers
00:29:06
Yes, every woman in the world likes flowers. That doesn't mean that what gets her she she may like, you know, just a simple
00:29:14
um
00:29:15
Simple carnation might do her just fine just and and even if you know those times where you know
00:29:22
You're dealing with uh issues, you know, sometimes just surprise her with you know
00:29:26
It's just simple things, you know, she might like a certain candy bar, you know
00:29:31
And you know, she doesn't get to the point where she stops by the store all the time
00:29:36
You know, I might just be on the balance say i'm gonna get her that candy bar because i'm just thinking about it
00:29:41
And i'll just get the candy bar and place it on her workstation
00:29:45
And that's just let sir know that i'm thinking about it. It's just sometimes just do simple things
00:29:50
in life
00:29:51
You don't have to always think you know broad about these things, you know
00:29:55
simple things for us is just sitting around and
00:29:59
well
00:30:00
You know, she has her crocheting. I do some
00:30:04
My music and stuff on my ipad ipad. I'm sorry
00:30:08
And uh, we'll just sit there and we like crime dramas. We'll sit there and watch, you know, 2020
00:30:14
We'll catch up on our little shows and just being around each other
00:30:19
Um, that's the main thing that we are intentional about being around each other
00:30:23
And there are times where you know, I might break off and
00:30:27
venture out with some friends and do stuff and even in that I try to do things, you know
00:30:32
Where it doesn't overlap our time
00:30:35
You know
00:30:36
So that we have our time together
00:30:39
And it's just like really trying to
00:30:42
Make sure that you put me in time
00:30:45
And effort in whatever it is
00:30:48
That is important to your relationship and it starts with listening
00:30:51
You know listening to her. I listen to what she tells me. I listen to
00:30:55
She's telling me, you know
00:30:57
I was thinking about
00:30:59
Doing such a such, you know
00:31:02
Okay, well, maybe I was surprised with something, you know
00:31:05
And you know, sometimes it works
00:31:07
Sometimes it fails
00:31:10
But I think the effort is the main thing
00:31:14
You're right
00:31:17
I really like when you say that
00:31:19
I really like when you say it's like the simple things that really matters. It's not just you know, always money
00:31:26
It's not always like gifts
00:31:28
Sometimes it can be like even a simple appreciation
00:31:32
That you cook a food for me. I like that food. I like how it tastes
00:31:38
You take care of my children. I really appreciate
00:31:42
You do so hard work to you know, um
00:31:45
Earn livelihood from our family. I really appreciate that effort and that you haven't cared for
00:31:51
For us so even these appreciations can actually mean a lot noticing like small things
00:31:57
It's very important and like you mentioned intention and investment like if you invest on something
00:32:04
You have to understand like how to invest or even you know, like the things that i'm investing when we invest anything
00:32:10
We think about like the return on investment and I think
00:32:14
Family our loved ones is the biggest investment in our life
00:32:18
These because these person will stay with us
00:32:21
You know in things and things and they will like keep supporting us and if you don't have
00:32:26
Their support from their mind you can I I know you cannot progress in your life
00:32:32
If for example, like if i'm having a bad day
00:32:35
In my home if i'm uh, so i'm married myself. So if i'm having like a
00:32:40
Bad day with my wife. I know my work will not go good
00:32:44
Even if I try like my best my best work would not be reflected
00:32:49
And you know like so and also if when I come back to my home
00:32:54
And I like be with my wife again. I just talk to her and I say like
00:32:59
I really apologize and like let's make up and if she gives me, you know
00:33:03
That actually fills the world to me and everything like feels normal
00:33:07
I don't know if it's just like how I function having that mental peace is important where and
00:33:13
I think that mainly comes from your
00:33:15
Loved ones your partner and if that is not important, I don't know what is so the biggest investment should be over there and by investment
00:33:24
I mean the appreciations by investment. I mean the care and
00:33:29
The time that he or she deserves and I think um, that is important to have
00:33:34
I just wanted to like talk to you a bit
00:33:38
about
00:33:39
Parenting that you mentioned that you were wonderful parents
00:33:42
I just want to ask you like for the benefit of my audience
00:33:46
What does you know a good parenting actually means and what are the some of the ups and downs that parents face if you can
00:33:53
tell me from your
00:33:55
Experience and a bit about like how
00:33:58
During parenting how couples can support one another
00:34:02
Because I know many of my audiences are parents. So for the benefit of them. Well definitely
00:34:10
We I guess from the beginning we got rid of those uh, quote unquote gender roles
00:34:18
So she changed diapers I changed
00:34:23
That's there was never a time when I didn't participate in
00:34:27
raising my
00:34:29
children even people little girls I changed those diapers, too
00:34:33
and I you know
00:34:36
as they were growing up, I
00:34:38
always worked a different
00:34:41
Schedule so I worked swing shift
00:34:44
rotating 12-hour shifts and
00:34:47
so one of the things that I did was I
00:34:51
Participated in because she teaches school
00:34:54
She would have to leave at certain times. So really I was very happy
00:34:57
Leave at certain times. So rather if it was
00:35:00
my off days or the days where I would uh, you know
00:35:05
Get off in the morning. I stayed up and made sure the career got on the bus
00:35:10
We just kind of
00:35:12
filled in where
00:35:14
you know the feelings need to be filled if
00:35:17
that might have meant that you know, I was taking one kid to
00:35:21
Basketball practice she was taking another kid to karate
00:35:24
They were we just kind of you know dealt with those on a day-to-day basis and
00:35:29
There it really wasn't a you know
00:35:33
Uh, uh
00:35:35
Designated person to do anything
00:35:39
If I had to cook I would cook, you know
00:35:43
On those days, you know just to make sure the kids had something to eat. So
00:35:47
We just kind of worked our own system
00:35:51
the the same
00:35:53
Idea of being a team. Yeah, we we had to as a teen parent
00:35:58
um, and we we have two birth children two adoptive children and
00:36:05
the um, the first adoption was
00:36:08
Actually, both of them were were trying
00:36:11
Um, and so we we had to learn that we're in this together
00:36:16
We had to depend on each other and then with our birth children and
00:36:20
You know you always question
00:36:23
when with with me
00:36:25
When my kids do something really really good
00:36:29
Um, I give them all the credit. I'm so proud of them and their accomplishments
00:36:33
If my kid does something not so good
00:36:36
I start to question myself as a parent
00:36:39
and so
00:36:42
Thankfully, we have the relationship to where
00:36:45
Um, if i'm down on myself if he's down on himself
00:36:50
We talk to each other we process through things we we help each other. He he tells me
00:36:56
Think about what we did when we were that age and so
00:37:01
Just to have that support there
00:37:03
physically
00:37:04
mentally emotionally
00:37:07
And still functioning as a team
00:37:09
our children
00:37:11
Sometimes I think we sheltered them
00:37:13
too much from things
00:37:15
um, but our children
00:37:17
To this day if they hear us raise our voice at each other
00:37:21
Um, it would probably blow their mind
00:37:23
Because they they've never seen us
00:37:26
any type of conflict
00:37:28
They know that um
00:37:31
At one point you could hear
00:37:33
Mom, never mind dad. Can I blah blah blah and he'd say ask your mom but they knew
00:37:41
them together that my
00:37:43
Initial response to everything was no until I had a moment to think and process
00:37:47
fast
00:37:49
I had to go to her be like, oh look, it's just gonna be an hour. Yeah
00:37:53
Let her go, you know
00:37:57
But they they saw us operate as a team
00:38:01
and
00:38:02
Just like everything else. This is so important. Um, I remember when our son was born there again young inexperienced
00:38:09
Um, I said well i'll get up with him
00:38:13
On weeknights and you just get up with him on the weekends
00:38:17
And that was the dumbest idea
00:38:20
But we didn't have a clue because we were young parents, but I told you that first week by that Thursday
00:38:27
Um, I'd be upholding the baby rolling my eyes at him sleeping
00:38:32
because
00:38:34
Because I'm like, this is a dumb idea
00:38:36
but um there again being that we were
00:38:40
Comfortable with each other. I I went back to him and say look this plan is not gonna work. We're gonna figure something else out
00:38:47
Um, I think we did that one time with laundry
00:38:51
I'll wash and dry and you fold and put away
00:38:55
And once we had you know, the mountain of clothing pile up. I said look this is not working
00:39:02
We were
00:39:04
So
00:39:06
We we you know, we try things if it doesn't work we come back together look that doesn't work
00:39:13
There's no animosity with each other. There's no
00:39:17
Um, I worked so I should come in to a hot meal or the kids should already be settled and in bed
00:39:24
It's you know, we we did this together. We're gonna do this together
00:39:29
um, and that that's been our um,
00:39:32
That that's been our drive is that we're a team. Yeah
00:39:36
the expectation should just be
00:39:40
What happened today? It shouldn't be right
00:39:44
Should be all the time because this is not real
00:39:47
It's what happened today, especially with kids today. She might have already at work. So
00:39:53
and and
00:39:54
the child might have gotten uh disciplined by the teacher or
00:39:58
They you know, that's about coffee. So how are we going to deal with this situation? We have to make we have to discuss these things
00:40:04
things
00:40:05
And I think a lot of times, you know
00:40:07
There again, that's that communication. But one thing that we uh,
00:40:11
practice too
00:40:12
Is that you know
00:40:14
We're number one
00:40:16
Our patients
00:40:18
Number two, so
00:40:20
You know, we would do we had to do as far as kids
00:40:24
And then once we got them to bed at night
00:40:26
Then we would have our time to
00:40:29
conversation talk about you know tomorrow
00:40:32
What has to happen the next day?
00:40:34
and
00:40:35
Put that time in each other because you know
00:40:38
You can't get lost in the sauce so to speak and you know, everything comes about the kids and
00:40:44
People tend to just you know, and then when you look, you know, you turn around and
00:40:48
You know, you're looking at empty nesters and people talk about well
00:40:52
We don't have anything coming, you know, we want to avoid that as much as possible
00:40:57
Right too many in reach
00:40:59
also
00:41:00
Make sure that you have a trusted support system. Yes
00:41:05
Doesn't have to be several
00:41:08
people
00:41:09
but one or two
00:41:11
trusted individuals who can babysit from time to time
00:41:16
So have those times to be together
00:41:18
Sometimes that support is not even necessarily babysitting but just
00:41:24
I know we had my mom was very close to us with the when the kids were younger
00:41:29
And so the kids had games and things like that. My mom would come
00:41:34
Our niece would come and so the kids
00:41:38
They saw their village. They had support outside of us because there are going to be times when those kids
00:41:43
aren't necessarily wanting to come to mom or dad to talk about things
00:41:48
And if they have this this support system in this village that's there they have trusted adults that they can go to
00:41:56
So that that was also helpful and important to us
00:42:02
We had to set some boundaries with my mom but
00:42:06
There again, we did that together
00:42:08
And we were a united front with that but um, it just
00:42:13
Everything goes back and that we're we are respecting each other and we're working as a team
00:42:20
Right. So I really
00:42:22
Uh commend you and appreciate your words of wisdom
00:42:25
I I think it's really important to like work as a team and function as a team
00:42:29
And like you mentioned everything is not like uh calculated everything is not like
00:42:34
Very equational that I can do this and you can do that and we'll just go that way
00:42:39
It just like comes up in the process and we realize that once we go through that so but
00:42:45
Even on all of this, it's very important to work as a team function as a team think as a team
00:42:52
And like how you can like support one another and just you know, make one day a success one day at a time
00:42:59
I think that's really important to understand. I wanted to talk to you a bit about your
00:43:04
Own podcast the beyond i do podcast. So if you can kindly let our audience know
00:43:11
A little bit about your podcast
00:43:13
So when we started the podcast, uh, he came to me we had been
00:43:19
Um discussing
00:43:21
Doing something
00:43:23
Um separately online
00:43:25
And he came to me with the idea of doing a podcast about marriage and relationships
00:43:31
We are
00:43:32
We we love love we're so happy
00:43:36
With the life we've created
00:43:38
And when you see all these negative things
00:43:41
Um online about relationship and marriage
00:43:45
You know he came to me and and I was like sure let's do it if that's going to help kind of neutralize someone
00:43:51
That so our first season was us sharing our journey
00:43:57
and um
00:43:59
How we how we did marriage
00:44:02
How we got together how we parented our finances all of those things
00:44:08
Um supporting each other through grief. We've both
00:44:11
Since lost our moms and and how those you know, we did those things
00:44:15
So our second season we decided to do a podcast about marriage
00:44:19
So our second season we decided, you know to be the best
00:44:24
Partner, I need to be the best individual. So we started to bring on
00:44:29
others and interview
00:44:31
Different individuals who are experts in different areas
00:44:35
finance fitness
00:44:38
mental health
00:44:39
So that you can learn how to become a better individual and a better partner
00:44:44
And for this season that's just starting we are back to just the two of us again
00:44:50
And our um theme for the the year is how to divorce proof
00:44:56
Your marriage and so we just we feel like we're just you know, two regular people
00:45:03
Who want to share how we've we've done this and what we've done to make it successful
00:45:09
So that others realize that yes, there are happy couples. Yes, you can do it too
00:45:14
And these are some of the things we did and hopefully they can help you figure out how to get to your
00:45:22
Um happily ever after
00:45:24
So my follow-up question is like how can our audience like reach out to you and listen to your podcast?
00:45:32
Um
00:45:34
Www.beyond.dupodcast.com
00:45:39
On spotify or apple
00:45:43
We're on
00:45:44
We have youtube channel
00:45:47
Okay, beyond that dupodcast
00:45:50
What else do we have facebook facebook do we have a facebook group?
00:45:55
We're going to be emailed at and then at beyond.dupodcast.com. It's for those who
00:46:01
Do you want to reach out and maybe want to be guessed on we were inviting couples in we want to
00:46:08
We're interested in learning a couple stories
00:46:11
And you know one thing about it is
00:46:14
You know when we look at you know, the entertainers we look at the stars
00:46:19
and they have this
00:46:20
you know
00:46:22
relationship and people tend to look at them as couples goals
00:46:27
And a lot of times when they do have issues
00:46:30
Uh in this society we tend to take you know
00:46:34
uh
00:46:35
It tends to hurt us
00:46:37
and
00:46:38
Everyone that I see, you know, I see people all the time just being together staying together
00:46:43
and you know
00:46:45
People have very interesting stories. So those are the stories that I want to put out there just create positivity
00:46:51
You know, there are people who?
00:46:54
Are not in the limelight that have been together 30 40 50 years
00:46:57
Right, and we like to you know learn their stories. We like to be able to share their stories. So
00:47:03
Please by all means reach out to us if you guys want to share your story
00:47:07
Yeah
00:47:08
Help us help you
00:47:10
I'm certain that my audiences will do check out your podcast and
00:47:14
Reach out to you because we have a lot of couples
00:47:17
Um newlyweds, I know like from our feedback listening to our podcast
00:47:22
So it would be a huge huge support for them as well
00:47:25
Uh, I really appreciate your time today bern and margaret for joining this podcast and sharing some of your words on wisdom
00:47:32
Of on creating happy healthy marriages on letting our audience know
00:47:38
What a successful partnership means and how to like function as a team how it felt to be like parenting and some of the
00:47:46
Strategies can parents follow?
00:47:48
When they go through the parenthood journey, so I really appreciate and for dear audience
00:47:53
I I really appreciate you hearing this podcast as well
00:47:57
And also if you do have any questions for bern or margaret mackie or you want to like know more about them?
00:48:04
We have a webpage for bern and margaret in our website
00:48:08
So if you go to the our website activeaction.fm
00:48:12
And you can just search bern and margaret and you'll find their webpage
00:48:16
With all the links attached and you can like reach out to them next week
00:48:20
We will be definitely coming back with another. Um episode until then stay well
00:48:26
Stay active and stay and take action. That is we always say to our audiences and also if you wish to support our podcast
00:48:35
We have means for that just go to our website and you can see how so take care everyone
00:48:41
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00:48:44
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00:48:50
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